I was getting ready to blog about upgrading my face by trading in my goatee for a full-fledged beard. Just for fun, I added the image above from a photo series I saw called “Best Facial Hair in the Civil War.” But while I was sticking my mug up to the computer monitor to get a shot of my beard progression, I remembered that I had blogged about my facial hair once before. Even asked readers to vote for the what whisker style they liked best.
It occurred to me that I should inventory my blog posts to make sure I wasn’t repeating myself too often. You know, like your crazy uncle that tells the same story every year when he sees you at the family reunion? “Darnedest thing I ever saw. We were at the beach, and you told me you had to pee. I told you to pee in the ocean. So, you stood at the edge of the waves, dropped your trunks, and just started peeing in the ocean for God and all creation to see.”
Back to the inventory. Here’s a sampling of the 232 blog posts I’ve published over the past year and a half:
- Are there leprechauns in the Bible?
- Jesus’ bellybutton
- Poking fun at a Christian leader’s name
- Poking fun at a Christian leader’s mustache
- Poking fun at a Christian blogger’s gaffe
- Canned unicorn meat
- Prayer tips from Nacho Libre
- Bacon soda
- Bacon ice cream sundae
- Bacon donuts
- Bacon clothing
- Bible study method inspired by Kentucky Fried Chicken
Surveying my handiwork led me to this keen personal insight: I am one very shallow dude.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone’s got the right to get a little lighthearted from time to time. But sweet fancy Moses, this is embarrassing!
Sure, there are plenty of silly Christians online. Uber-blogger Jon Acuff posts about v-neck t-shirts, side hugs, and the Jesus Juke on Stuff Christians Like, but even he offers some inspiration with his Serious Wednesdays. I’m so shallow, I make him seem like Dietrich Freaking Bonhoeffer.
Now, you may be thinking that this is all hyperbole. That I’m stretching a point to make a point. “Maybe this guy is using levity to mask some profound existential angst buried deep in his tortured psyche.”
Uh no, I’ve peered into the depths, and there’s nothing there … except re-runs from The Gong Show.
Outside of this blog, it doesn’t get much better. I actually wrote a song once with the following as part of the chorus:
“Ignite my life like red-hot lava. Excite my heart like a gallon of java.”
I wish I was making this up.
So, now what? Is there some way to get un-shallow? Is there some dark magic or 10-step process I can employ to “deepify” myself?
Looking for shallow in the Bible left me empty handed. But in thinking of “foolish” instead of “shallow,” this passage came to mind:
“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
(1 Corinthians 1:27-31 ESV)
I guess Jesus has enough depth for the both of us. Though I’m a fool, he became wisdom from God for us. For me. And that’s worth boasting about. Which brings me to this important question:
Do you think my trading in my goatee for a full beard is a good idea?